The Worst Film Ever

Not even bad in a good way

not as good as all the hype

Excellent, smart action film.

The Sword And The Claw is a Turkish movie in which I really didn't want to see because of my antipathy for Islamism. But what the hell. Couldn't hurt to try. I didn't really get what was going on mainly because of its conception and how it relates to its historical aspects, if any at all but wow was this movie silly..... in a fun way. It is like a kung fu movie but with Turkish cultural values (I think). The movies story is basic non sensical revenge seeking garbage. The characterization was good with neat costumes and stuff. But the action is where the movie shines. There are some pretty clever action sequences along with some blood splashing mayhem and even some dismemberment and surprisingly the dismemberment didn't involve a woman, gay or Jew. Imagine my shock. But the action can get tedious at times and does get a bit far fetched and stupid but eh. Oh, and the women don't wear burkas in this. I'm amazed they are ever shown at all. Gasp.

AGFA (American Genre Film Archive) is a disc company unlike most. They're not interested in the newest hit release. As a matter of fact they rarely seem to consider a hit of any kind. Instead they focus on obscure films that most have never heard of but that do exist and give them as much preferential treatment as possible, knowing there is a fan base out there looking for the odd, the quirky and the offbeat. It may be a niche market to some but to fans it is the sustenance of their existence. It is what they crave. At the same time it is rescuing films that might never again see the light of day if it weren't for someone like AGFA.Keeping that in mind their latest release has hit stores. THE SWORD AND THE CLAW might seem like an old Hong Kong kung fu movie if you just look at the box but it has nothing to do with that genre or even that country. Instead it's a movie made in Turkey by the same people responsible for the fan favorite TURKISH STAR WARS, an obvious remake/tribute/rip off of the famous film. This time around they go for their own story though.The film opens with a major battle between two rulers that's somewhat lengthy and filled with swords, archers and bloodletting. It's loosely the Ottoman Empire in the middle of changes once the battle ends, the losing ruler now set in place as a subject of the new king. To add insult to injury the new king is seduced by the deposed ruler's wife and impregnates her before heading home. He shows her before leaving a birthmark that all male members of his family are born with.A year later the deposed ruler sets out to reclaim his country just after the king has had a son by his own wife. The child and his nurse escape but before she can get to safety she leaves him in the woods and is killed. The child grows up in the wild with lions and develops into a muscular fighter.Time passes and both boys grow up, one free in the wilderness and the other at his father's side, watching the tyrant impose his will with an iron fist. Of course the two will eventually find one another and it then becomes a question of which will change to be like the other or will they kill themselves trying.It might sound interesting but for the casual viewer not much so. There are plenty of fight sequences and most are overlong and repetitive. The dubbing is what you would expect, along the lines of the previously mentioned kung fu movies. As for the claw in the title, the wild son is captured and his hands burned with acid so he has claws implanted in them so he can continue fighting.But you have watch this movie in the context of which it was released. It wasn't made for American markets but for Turkey. Unfortunately I have no idea if it was a hit there or just another standard film. But odds are it was dubbed and released here to play on drive-in double bills and repetitive grindhouse runs.Along with this film on the disc is a second feature, THE BRAWL BUSTERS. This one IS one of those Hong Kong style kung fu films complete with badly done dubbing and high wire leaps and fight sequences. The story has an abandoned girl growing up, learning martial arts and revenging herself against those that left her an orphan with her own specially selected team. At best it gives fans another movie to watch and at worst it's kind of confusing to catch what is going on when. The end result is not the best example of the genre.While AGFA is releasing them on blu-ray with the first feature a 4k scan of the only 35mm print available it doesn't mean they've been cleaned up to perfection. There are still the scratches and splices seen on the screen while watching. But wouldn't that have been part and parcel with how they were viewed in those seamy grindhouses back when first released? So if you're a fan of those films it won't matter.The extras are limited but the odds of finding a "making of" featurette or interviews with cast and crew are pretty much ridiculous to expect. Instead there is a collection of action film trailers for films that would fit right into playing with either of these films.The end result is two movies that mainstream audiences would probably overlook but that fans of drive-in and grindhouse entertainment will love. It's the kind of movie you don't take to seriously, that drinking games could be based around and that would play well in the background while a party was going on. In short a movie that fans will adore and want in their collection.

Aslan Adam, or Lionman as it's more commonly known amongst English speaking audiences, starts with an epic battle as King Solomon & his army defeats a load of guys although I'm not sure who they were & the film itself isn't too helpful in establishing the fact. Anyway, after King Solomon has slaughtered all these guys Princess Maria, Bishop Osorio & Commander Antoine are forced to sign a treaty which lets King Solomon rule just about everything in sight. Soon after Princess Maria seduces Solomon & they have sex, meanwhile in the shortest wedding ceremony ever (just two sentences long) Antoine weds Princess Maria & is planning to rebel against Solomon & gain some sweet revenge in the process. Antoine & his guards attack & kill Solomon even though his pregnant wife Princess Almunia escapes with her protector Rostin with Antoine's guards in hot pursuit, after the shortest labour ever (less than 5 minutes or the time it takes to run around a bush) Princess Almunia gives birth to a young baby boy who is hidden in some bushes away from Antoine's guards. Unfortunately when Rostin tries to retrieve the little fella he finds that the baby has been adopted by a pride of Lion's as one of their own! Year's later & the evil Antoine now rules treating his subjects with no mercy, Princess Maria has given birth & he has a son but Rostin is also still kicking around trying to put together a gang of rebels to overthrow Antoine, the task seems hopeless unless they can enlist the help of the legendary Lionman who is more beast than man...This Turkish Greek co-production was directed by Natuk Baytan as Natuch Baitan & is a one of a kind type of film, I found it hilariously bad but at the same time immensely entertaining. The script never seems to take itself seriously, it is a pretty funny film at times, it moves along like a rocket & is never dull or boring & some of the English dubbed dialogue is just hilarious in context with what's happening on screen. None of it makes any sense, we get a boy raised by Lion's, an evil king, betrayal, dark family secrets, birthmarks that form the shape of Lion's in an element of the story that was present before the kid was raised by Lion's, crazy fight scenes, torture scenes where the posts people are supposed to be tied to wobble, ancient castle interiors that randomly contain zip wires & gymnastic rings, idiotic bad guys who all seem to have extensive facial hair & a central character who has a jaw line resembling a house-brick, can be stabbed twice, have his hands covered in acid (this acid can eat it's way through steel trapdoors but is kept in a ceramic jug!) & fall over 20 feet onto a concrete floor & yet maintain no serious injury! Aslan Adam is a terrifically entertaining film, I don't think I've seen another film quite like it that I can compare it too, if your looking for something serious then forget this but if you like 'so-bad-they're-good' type films & want to have fun, laugh & be entertained then Aslan Adam should be at the VERY top of your list. Total 100% gold for bad film fans & those with a taste for the different & bizarre. On the disappointing side Lionman only gets his steel claws 10 minutes before the end which is a shame.Director Bayten certainly keeps things moving along at a brisk pace although it's far from well made, during the opening battle one moment guys are fighting on a sand dune the next their on a grassy hill with trees in the background! There is one point where Lionman uses a 'branch' to pole vault but it's obviously just a long tube with a vine wrapped around it! Then there's the scene when a bloodthirsty pack of bloodhounds are supposed the chasing Lionman down but the dogs used are obviously different breeds including some of the most harmless looking dogs ever! There are just so many individual scenes in Aslan Adam that are just hilarious, stupid, bizarre or all three that I could go on forever. Just check the ending out when Lionman is jumping & flying about everywhere like he can fly. There's lots of blood in Aslan Adam although not much actual graphic gore or violence, a few stabbings & someone has their hands cut off is as graphic as it gets.Technically Aslan Adam is pretty ropey, the period costumes are bright & garish featuring purples, yellows, reds & various other bright colours. The fight scenes are cheap but at least the filmmakers tried to put as much action in as they could. The music seemed like it was more suited to a classical ballet rather than an action film & is yet another bizarre aspect to Aslan Adam. The acting was bad, even dubbed you could tell the acting was bad.Aslan Adam is pure gold from start to finish, there are so many things to like, laugh at & enjoy in this film that I just ended up really liking it. In no way whatsoever can Aslan Adam be considered a good film in any sense of the word but it's one hell of an entertaining one. I may have have to watch this one again sometime soon just to prove to myself that I didn't dream it all! The best Turkish action film about a man raised by Lion's you will ever see, period. Proved popular enough to spawn a sequel, Lionman II: The Witchqueen (1979).

Hilarious film, I had a great time watching it. The star (Cuneyt Arkin, sometimes credited as Steve Arkin) is a popular actor from Turkey. He has played in lots of tough-guy roles, epic-sword films, and romances. It was fun to see him with an international cast and some real lousy looking pair of gloves. If I remember it was also dubbed in English which made things even more funnier. (kinda like seeing John Wayne speak Turkish).