Fresh and Exciting

Admirable film.

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

Easily the biggest piece of Right wing non sense propaganda I ever saw.

I honestly wish I could say that I invited the juicy catchphrase of my review's subject line myself, but alas, I blatantly stole it from the back of the cover of the original Belgian VHS-release. Roughly translated the brief plot description on the box of the old video cassette that I own says: "This battalion of incredibly hot girls is on a top-secret and ultra-dangerous mission that will bring them BEHIND enemy lines and BETWEEN enemy sheets!". As a sucker for 80s trash/exploitation I simply had to see this film. Now, I personally think that the clichéd expression "so-bad-it's-good" is very much overused, but it is definitely the most apt description of Kenneth Hartford's "Hell Squad". The son of an American ambassador in the Middle-East is kidnapped by terrorists and they demand nuclear weapons in exchange for his release. Instead of looking for any kind of alternatives, the ambassador's personal assistant travels to Las Vegas all by himself and recruits a bunch of buxom strip dancers for a secret mission. Without knowing what purpose they'll serve, the girls follow an intense 10-day military training and then they are subsequently dropped in the desert. This really could have worked very efficiently as a sexploitation-spoof (or even a porn movie, perhaps) but the problem is that this film, and its entire cast and crew alike, take itself so damn seriously! Besides, the glorious description about the sheet and all isn't even true. The action sequences in "Hell Squad" are as follows: the women storm into a random enemy camp or underground lair, blow away all the evil Arabs and subsequently return to their luxurious hotel room where they all sit and relax in the jacuzzi together. Yes, apparently hotels in the Middle-East standard offer gigantic hot tubs in each room. You guessed it; a truly bad but unique film-experience!

Location: The Middle EastTime: 1986Situation: The only son of an important and wealthy diplomat is kidnapped by middle eastern terrorists. The desperate dad is willing to try anything to save his offspring.Solution: Hell Squad, a crack team of curvy female commandos.The distraught diplomat asks his American friend "the government is powerless saheb, where can I turn to for help?", to which his sage sidekick responds "Las Vegas!".Cut to a second rate sin city stage act with a bevy of beauties dancing crudely to champagne music. Later in the dressing room the girls all voice displeasure with the job and it's lack of proper compensation. Cue the diplomat's American friend, as he arrives with a generous but dangerous offer, to select and train several of them for deadly combat so as to rescue the diplomat's son, for which they will be payed handsomely. To the dancers this sounds like such a hair brained scheme that it...just...might...work! The showgirl soldiers are so game for the mission that they compose a poor but spirited excuse for a cadence, chanting the not entirely difficult "Hell Squad, Hell Squad!!". What follows is equally absurd and so poorly executed, it's like watching G.I.Jane directed by Demi Moore's 5 year old. A sampling:-in a combat scene, a girl tosses a knife so limply it arcs towards the ground unable to make it out of frame. The next moment we see the blade rocket into someone's chest 30 feet away.-Hell Squad receives it's marching orders, not by code over a shortwave radio as they camp in desert terrain, but rather on the luxury hotel room phone. The Squad leader is informed where the terrorists are, and when they'll be there. Zero drama is involved as she cheerfully responds "okay, we'll be there, thank you very much" as if confirming a salon appointment.-At daybreak, the Hell Squad leaves to engage in fierce combat. They return exhausted at the end of the day for a glass of champagne and a group soak in an over-sized hot tub. And no, the hot tub is not an excuse for the gratuitous nudity exhibited by the women, the filmmakers don't appear concerned with making an actual motion picture, let alone excuses.If you find yourself tired at how quality ridden some films are, or you need a break from the logic and coherence seen in much of cinema, you could do worse than Hell Squad.

From the cheesy dialog to the no-talent 'actresses', there is not one redeeming quality about this 'film'!About the point these commando bikini-models were putting on their flippers and snorkel gear to swim across a lake in a middle of a desert to a stock photograph of a castle in the European mountains I lost my lunch.The biggest laugh of the movie was the reveal of 'Ann' as 'Andy' when a halloween budget mask was pulled off of Ann/Andy. Couldn't help but think of Austin Powers, "That's a MAN, man!"So bad it's laughable! If there was a ZERO STAR rating this movie would have it!

The "movie" (it's so cheaply done, I'm inclined to believe it's just a student film gone bad) is just an excuse to parade scantily-clad women in the desert, let them go after the bad arabs and whine for the rest of the show. There's little action (you'd think they'd at least learn martial arts; no!!! they fight like, duh, girls!) and lots of boring dialog. SPOILER!!!: The ending (finding out who the traitor is), which involves proper toilet manners for women (figure it out: it involves keeping the seat up), reveals a cross-dresser villain in their midst (ok, in the office that recruited them). Whatever pompous theme this movie supposedly maintains (e.g., equality among the sexes, world corruption, security) is lost in the mindless miasma of ennui and inanity. A poor man's Doll Squad (not that Francine York and company are any better!).