I'll tell you why so serious

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

I really wanted to like this movie. I feel terribly cynical trashing it, and that's why I'm giving it a middling 5. Actually, I'm giving it a 5 because there were some superb performances.

Taking aside the whole nonsense of the story, it's a pretty watchable film film, but too Hyams (explosions, shooting, savage deaths and so on). Arnie will be good until he learns to spell "r" without the accent and until he stops "being back". Good cast, some good jokes and a dark atmosphere. And Arnie gets to be half beaten by a mid-aged lady. Also, we've finally found out where does all the oil coming from (no, not from the ground). However, Mr. Devil remains unexplained. Is it Mr. Beelzebub (CEO) himself or just an appointed high ranking manager from Hell? They also have hierarchy, you know. So, anyway: in my opinion this is one of Arnie's "not so good" movies, but you may watch it. Inquisition approved.

In this horror/action movie "End of Days", Arnold Schwarzenegger assumes the role of Jesus Christ only going incognito and under the name Jericho Cane as he procures his role as the saviour from the devil's wrath in the next thousand years. According to director Peter Hyams that this is the the most pro-religious film in cinematic history. It's also nifty that the greatest action film star ever has turned in his heavy ammunition in exchange for faith in God. With that said I asked myself, can Schwarzenegger be able to withstand this movie without his ammunition? The story pans out just like the traditional apocalyptic action films with as many recyclable elements from other films making this film lack in originality. We have the leading character Jericho Cane on the brink of suicide. The only thing that he cherishes comes in the manifestation of a ballerina musics box that once belonged to his daughter. Everyday he thinks of his wife and his daughter's deaths and has felt guilty about it being that he was hardly ever at home to spend time with them. Of course Hollywood will likely to rub that in our faces. Jericho has a chance redeem himself by trying to save the like of a young Christine York (Robin Tunney) from becoming the mother to the devil's child.Gabriel Byrne really is a scene chomper here as the epitome of Satan posing as a menacing businessman complete with an evil grimace. In reality Byrne is just a banker who's been possessed by the devil while in a restaurant bathroom. The evil entity makes residence in the poor soul's body and fulfills its wrath within him. One time he was a mild-mannered gentleman, but after leaving the bathroom, he comes out a different person as he purposefully grabs a woman's breast, then proceeds to kiss her, most may call it rape, but she doesn't seem to mind. It may not be categorized as a personification of evil, but knowing the scriptwriters behind this film, they may tell you a different story.It turns out that Satan's mating ritual with Christine must emanate before New Year's Eve of 1999 and that Christine's future is at stake. In one of the more macabre scenes in "End of Days", newborn Christine was abducted from the maternity ward to the morgue was injected with snake's blood while Satan's followers started chiming evil prayers in Latin. Since then she has been watched over a guardian named Mabel (Miriam Margolyes). At least she can strike the at the most untouchable Schwarzenegger when the action get rough.This movie seems to touch upon ancient mysticism with a very convoluted logic to it, which is interesting in itself. However, it still an action film top priority and doomsday and conspiracy theories which raise philosophical possibilities is just an after thought. We all in the end just came for the mindless shootings, beatings and chases. Hell one character rips out his tongue, puts it in a jar and gets nailed to the ceiling of the hospital room. This helps Jericho solidify what he's up against.Alongside Kevin Pollak as his one-liner induced sidekick, Bobby Chicago, Schwarzenegger can overcome the religious barriers and spew out a rather mean-spirited quip due partially because he is an atheist. After a two year hiatus from that God-awful 1997 "Batman and Robin" he seems trimmed down and has stepped up his ante a bit in the action scenes, but the implausible script is the elephant in the room that's hold him and the others back from their potential. It's unconvincing to see Schwarzenegger dangling one-handed from a skyscraper. With the whole new millennium coming at the time, there's really no intensity with the exception of a few billboards indicating Y2K. I just wish they emphasized it a bit more.

This is a pretty awful movie. Lazy storytelling, ridiculous plot points, dated special effects, horribly obvious stunt doubles, questionable acting... all amount to a rather unpleasant viewing experience. ************SPOILERS************A few questions...Why the hell are they allowed to just hang around all those crime scenes? They're not cops. Aren't crime scenes supposed to be closed to the public? If the Satan dude just heals like Wolverine, why the hell did he hire the security team? Wouldn't that just attract unnecessary attention? Shouldn't he just be laying low until the magical bow chicka wow wow hour? Didn't seem that concerned with security for the rest of the movie...? Anyway, not much in the positive spectrum that I can say for this movie, other than a couple of funny Ahhhnold moments. Recommended for those that enjoy Satan!, Satan groping, Satan conjoined twin f**king, flammable Satan urine, old lady fighting, religious imagery, religious conspiracies, Jesus Christ Pose!, exploding cars, exploding vans, exploding buildings, exploding trains, exploding people, BatSatan!...3/10...but that's just like, my opinion, man# Of Times Watched: Once

This movie tries to combine religion mixed with an Arnold action film, but the two don't mix. They just don't. An Arnold movie is supposed to be full of one liners, action scenes and Arnold being Arnold. A religious film is supposed to be clever. We have really stupid dialogue and clichéd action scenes. Satan himself is incredibly stupid. He knows about the guard being a pedophile and Jerico's wife and daughter being killed, yet he does not know the location of where Christine is.Well, if he did, we wouldn't have a movie would we? And for some stupid reason, he doesn't kill Jerico when he crucifies him. He doesn't even hammer nails through his wrists and feet.But he can't do that, cos you can't kill Arnold. He's the hero. He has to save the world.We have some pretty bad special effects. The scene where the Albino smashes into pieces looks like a PS1 game and the scene where Satan makes love to the woman and her daughter and they morph together like a Bosch painting looks unconvincing. However, Satan himself looks okay and the scene where the Church is being destroys looks good. I actually thought they built a giant church set and destroyed it all, but it was a miniature. Fooled me.Gabriel Byrne struggles with his New York accent, to the point where he gives up and does his own Dublin accent. By the way, the scene where Satan takes over Gabriel's body, he walks out of the toilet, kisses a woman and then leaves the restaurant. We then cut to inside the restaurant where we have the woman reacting to something. We then cut to outside the restaurant as it explodes. What, did Satan put an explosive inside the woman when he kissed her? Although full of flaws, I actually liked the film. I thought it was fun. I liked Arnold being Arnold, Gabriel Byrne has fun as Satan and the scene where Miriam Margoyles kicks Arnold's ass was funny.I loved the finale in the church. I thought that scene was really effective. This film came out the same year as Stigmata which also starred Gabriel Byrne. And this film features a scene with Stigmata in it. This film also came out the same year as Dogma, which although was a silly comedy, it was actually quite clever. Kevin Smith is a religious nut and it shows in his dialogue. Between those three films, I prefer Dogma. At least it knew how to be clever in it's religion topics. The whole "The number of the Beast is not 666. When viewed upside down it is 999, like in 1999, the year of his return" was just..........................., I'm no expert on religion, but................... really? I know you have to come with a reason for the world ending in the year 2000, but...... I dunno. I heard that Satan comes back every 999 years. I dunno. But then again, as stupid as it sounds, it IS only a movie after all. If you're expecting a clever religious film, look elsewhere. But if you're looking for Arnold fighting the devil, this is it.