Simply Perfect

Pretty good movie overall. First half was nothing special but it got better as it went along.

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

The very same year that this T.V. movie came out, one of the four actresses in it (Mildred Natwick) appeared in the short-lived Kander and Ebb musical "70, Girl, 70", proving that if you wanted to see old folks, you were in the wrong hall that night. Natwick, Myrna Loy, Helen Hayes and Sylvia Sidney are long-time friends with pranksterous natures who concoct all sorts of harmless schemes basically to distract them from their boring lives that consists of "tee many martuni's" and lunch pretty much every day that consists of two coffee's, two tea's and the same entree's for each of them. Having gone from prank to prank week after week and drink after drink, they now decide to try computer dating, posing as a single young lady and unfortunately attracting a psychopathic sadomasochist (Vince Edwards) who kills a prostitute, thinking it to be the young women these women invented, and then going after the four ladies after realizing how he was duped. "General Hospital's" chief of staff, John Beradino, becomes a police captain here, and his reactions to the feistiness of these delightful old ladies are priceless, especially one moment alone with Hayes who is just as delightfully lovable here as she was in the previous year's "Airport" for which she won an Oscar the year this TV movie originally aired. Three of these stars (Loy and Hayes, at MGM, and Sidney, at Paramount) were major leading stars in the 1930's, and Natwick was a major Broadway leading lady until moving into film character roles. Each of them get distinctive personalities, with the raspy Sidney having an amusing drunk scene, the seemingly sober Hayes a delicious hung over scene, Loy the most sophsticated with her droll responses, and Natwick slightly eccentric. Even with an outlandish plot and a not so great script, it is the four ladies who makes a silk purse out of a sow's ear, leading to a series just 2 years later reuniting Hayes and Natwick ("The Snoop Sisters") that had them playing different characters with similar personalities. Edwards plays a rather creepy, perverted character with obvious violent tendencies, but it's obvious that he's no match for these four feisty senior citizens who might seem like cartoon characters with a tweetie bird, black cat and umbrella but can definitely take care of themselves. As Hayes says, "It certainly has been one hell of a day, hasn't it girls?"

"Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate" is a fun made for TV movie from 1971. I am pretty sure the success of this film led to a similar short-lived TV series, "The Snoop Sister"--with two of the same four stars who played the leads in this movie.When the film begins, four cute old ladies meet for lunch (Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Myrna Loy and Sylvia Sidney). Over lunch, one of them has a hair-brained idea....which shows that these women are really bored and have way too much time on their hands! For kicks, they'll create a fake persona and enter her in a computer dating service-- just to see what happens next. Unfortunately, one of the guys turns out to be total psycho (Vince Edwards)...one that is very scary and resourceful. Little did they know that the fake meeting they set up turns out to end in murder, as the crazed man thinks another woman is his computer date...and when she is confused and tells him to leave, he kills her! Now, he could come looking for the old ladies...or, these spunky old ladies COULD come looking for him! Either way, bad things could easily happen to them!The reason this ridiculous plot works is that these old ladies are so gosh-darn cute. Additionally, the big confrontation scene with the murderer turns out to be very funny...something I didn't expect. Well made and fun...and one of the more enjoyable "ABC Movie of the Week" installments.

Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney are in their twilight years, but don't tell them that. They're spry and ready to shake up their monotonous life. At least Helen does. She has taken to the idea of joining one of those computerized dating groups in this 1971 TV movie. Hence the title. That's what they say about the form that is inserted into the database. They have made up an imaginary young lady, Rebecca Meade, and her fictional statistics to have a little fun and to while away the hours. What they didn't count on was a disturbed prospect, played too well by Vince Edwards. Myrna Loy provides the voice of reason at all stages of this outlandish enterprise, and Sylvia Sidney is her usual sweet yet quirky self. But perhaps the best scene stealers of the film are Helen Hayes, who is thriving on the excitement and Mildred Natwick who is given some of the best lines and whose character must have been quite a tease in her day. When Vince makes an advance on "Rebecca," they rebuff him, which only gives him the impetus to go off the deep end. This was a very entertaining, short and surprisingly well written film. The law is played by John Beradino, of "General Hospital" fame, and you can tell that Sylvia really takes a liking to him in their few scenes together. For a good time with some good actresses, "Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate" is the place to be. They keep things happening.

Having not seen this (made-for-TV-I believe) film since I was 11 years old in 1971, it was not as good as I remembered it to be, unfortunately. The cast is great fun and first-rate. Helen Hayes is a hoot playing 7O year-old Sophie T. and Myrna Loy, Sylvia Sidney & Mildred Natwick are fine in their parts.Watching this movie last night, I realized how very dated it has become, and even the sound quality was very bad - plus the color looked cheap and faded. There ARE some really funny one-liners and the four old gals work beautifully together but the film as a whole dates badly.As a whole, this movie is a 1971 curio, based on the Doris Miles Disney novel of the same name. If you can accept it's out-moded notions, sit back and have fun!