Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

The Worst Film Ever

Plenty to Like, Plenty to Dislike

It's fun, it's light, [but] it has a hard time when its tries to get heavy.

Think 'Universal Soldier' mixed the weirdest 70's synth soundtrack you've ever heard. Add b-movie karate star Ron Marchini and you get this weird, weird film.The action is cheesy, of course. But that's what makes these type of movies fun. The main issue is the storytelling. The narrative runs all over the place. Aside from the 3 mindless karate warriors programmed to go around and assassinate people, the rest of the movie almost plays as an anthology. There really isn't a main character. The story keep jumping from one plot to another, never really connecting. At one point I stepped out of the room to grab a drink and when I came back I thought a different movie had started playing.This movie isn't *bad* necessarily. It's just... Weird.Oh, and if someone can explain just what exactly the ending was, PLEASE DO! Was it nothing more than sequel bait? If so, man, were they overly optimistic during production. The movie is on a ton of those public domain / Mill Creek box sets. So, if you happen to pick one of them up and feel like having an MST3K party, you can't do much better than this.

In the history of bad cinema, DEATH MACHINES must rank up there as one of the worst flicks of all time. US-set kung fu movies had a pretty poor run in the 1970s, and this is the worst I've seen yet. Once again, the primary reason for the awfulness is the utter lack of budget, which renders all of the action sequences appalling. This is a film where somebody crashing into a stack of beans is a top stunt moment, and where a rocket launcher hits a guy and blows sand over him (?!). The only possible interest somebody could ever have in this film is watching the director trying to pull off all these action scenes without a decent budget. He tries hard, which is the only redeeming quality.The idea of three non-speaking killing machines is interesting, but it turns out that the guys (one White, one Black, one Asian) don't speak purely because they're rubbish actors! Marchini went on to star in more dreck like NINJA WARRIORS but was never very good, although Michael Chong is the best of the bunch. The finest actor in the film is Ron Ackerman, playing a police detective shoehorned into the proceedings. The worst actor is Mari Honjo, the Japanese villainess, whose delivery of dialogue is the most intensely irritating thing in the whole world.The action scenes are poor and one of them, an attack on a dojo, plays out with virtually no sound effects! It's like watching a silent movie! The blood is coloured water and the one-handed hero never does anything heroic. The director tries to incorporate lots of '70s staples into the movie, like bar-room brawls, kung fu schools, car accidents and somebody getting chucked off a building (incredibly the car he lands on isn't dented) but the only decent bits are the bullet hits and the blowing up of a real plane. Watch out for the green-faced black police chief and the hilarious showdown in a hospital corridor. Some scenes seem to have inspired THE TERMINATOR...

Bay Area residents probably remember Paul from The Diamond Center, an unctuous late night huckster who flogged easy credit and cheap rocks on late night television throughout the 1980s and early 90s. I mention him only because there is an actor in Death Machines who looks JUST LIKE HIM playing the owner of an Italian restaurant. He appears in the best scene in this positively dreadful and near unwatchable crime drama about a Dragon Lady (Mari Honjo, who wisely hung up her acting spurs after completing this film) who controls the local syndicate. Our hero (let's call him Not Paul From the Diamond Center) plays the restaurateur with all the subtlety of The Simpsons' Luigi ("you lika da spaghetti?") and seems unimpressed when one of his patrons complains about the food. No, there's no fly in the soup or hair in the sauce: there's a Red Buddha in the pasta, the calling card of the murderous crime boss, who sends a statuette to each of her prospective victims. Death Machines is bad by any measure, and pretty boring, which is an even worse crime.

What a gargantuan pile of malodorous ordure! Ye Gods where to even begin with this one…..Well, mix crap acting (including one bloody infuriating woman who speaks as though she's either a) chewing painfully on some ice cubes or b) has just woken up after having undergone some extensive root canal surgery), editing that would appear to donate that the celluloid was cut and spliced via the utilisation of an angle grinder, some truly hopelessly choreographed martial arts 'action', a script that has ostensibly been written by a two year old and some of the most hideous and intrusively loud background music ever committed to any film and hey presto you have Death Machines aka The Ninja Murders (although note that surprise, surprise – there are in fact no actual ninja anywhere to be found in this sodding travesty!) In a nutshell, if ever there was a cinematic equivalent of a particularly vehement bout of dysentery, then this must surely be it! Avoid at all costs!