Purely Joyful Movie!

Tells a fascinating and unsettling true story, and does so well, without pretending to have all the answers.

Story: It's very simple but honestly that is fine.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

As another reviewer has suggested, it's not worth wasting too much time telling you "this movie sucks". What do you need to know? Cheap, unconvincing sets. Perfunctory acting. Barely coherent plot full of red herrings and non sequiturs. Doesn't last a minute longer than the minimum they can get away with.This is what? A women's prison? And they have not cells, but dormitories? Through which the male warders stroll while the girls lounge on their beds in their underwear? Even the notoriously cheap Australian soap, Prisoner Cell Block H, had a go at cells, even if the cardboard walls did wobble when people bumped into them.But what's the point complaining? It's a Charles Band film. That tells you everything you need to know.Almost everything, but there are still a couple of points worth making. It may be bad, like all Band Full Moon productions, but it's still nowhere near as mind-sappingly awful as something from The Asylum Team. I'm not sure why, but I think it may be because there still survives a sense that someone is trying to entertain you by telling a story, whereas in Asylum mockbusters the cynical and exploitative contempt for the audience has long overshadowed any vestigial vision or artistic purpose.And there's at least one good scene in it. Well, not good, necessarily, but promising. Eva (Jessica Morris, who, fair dos, actually has a creditable go at making something of her part) is being disciplined by the sadistic (natch) warden/matron (Deb Snyder). So as not to leave any incriminating evidence, the warden produces an old electric shock machine, a wonderfully hokey piece of equipment seemingly stolen from the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein, full of unnecessary coils and valves. As the warden administers increasingly violent shocks, Eva first laughs ("ooh! - that tickles") then shouts out her defiance and contempt ("you're going to have to do better than that!"). There's a genuine, exhilarating demonic power to all this. If only the scene was properly resolved, instead of cutting away and then returning later to a tableau of the aftermath.And that's what's so frustrating about cheap films like this. With just a little bit of effort, a little bit of care and attention to detail, that spark of creativity could have been fanned into something worthwhile. Not great, necessarily, but challenging, provocative, or even bitterly funny. At the end of the day, it's not the cheap sets or Ed Wood special effects or amateur acting that does for films like this. They actually don't matter; you only notice them because for so much of the time there's nothing else to notice. No, what does for these films is the laziness, the negligence, the numbing lack of ambition. It's the script and plot that lets them down, and they cost next to nothing. Just spend a bit of time thinking through those plot strands, and find a resolution that ties them together. Dialogue rusty? Get a second pair of ears to work through it. Concentrate on a couple of key sequences (in this film, that'll be the electric shock machine, and the waste disposal unit) and take a bit of time and care getting them right.But that's the film that might have been. This one, I'm afraid, is not worth wasting your time or money on. Well, probably not. I got my copy from a pound shop. That's a British recession-driven thrift store: everything a pound or less (about a dollar fifty). At that price, I'm not really angry. It gave me a wry smile or two, and added to my knowledge and understanding of Z-grade horror films. But don't pay a penny more.

After a troubled youth, a woman enters a woman's prison and is soon to be paroled and reunited with her daughter. But a gift from her daughter, some worry dolls, have decided to solve her problems for her with extreme violence. Early parole? Probably not.As far as films from Charles Band go, this one is actually good. Like, really, truly good. Except for one thing... the dangerous worry dolls. That's right, we have a really tight script thanks to Full Moon regular August White, solid directing and respectable acting... with a dark and interesting plot about prison and the evils therein. The dolls weren't even necessary. The cheesy graphics take away from it.There's a subplot involving rape and a camera... which is quite a sinister idea. I have to give the writer credit, as this was a plausible idea and one I do not think I've encountered before. It was just, well, evil. Something you don't often encounter in horror anymore, and certainly not from Full Moon, who have devoted their time to more humor than anything. So, while this one falls short, it doesn't fall as hard as some have.

Eva (Jessica Morris), a young single mother, apparently has been a very naughty girl because she finds herself in prison for being part of an armed robbery where the clerk was killed. To top it off, apparently she isn't liked very well, as the opening scene of the film has a group of the resident bull-dyke looking inmates trying to shove Eva's hand in the garbage disposal for refusing to be part of the drug ring. The confrontation is broken up by Carl, the prominent guard, who then proceeds to beat the crap out of Eva himself, as he has a habit of doing with several of the female inmates. When Eva complains to the prison warden...wait....I'll let YOU guess and how the prison warden acts. Is she nice and understanding?? Of course not because that would go against the cliché and stereotype that this film seems to thrive on. Instead, she is a cold, heartless bitch as we have seen in countless other prison-themed films. Eva's daughter soon visits and gives her mother a gift...a tin of Worry Dolls that apparently if you confide in, they make your worries go away. That night, Eva confides in the dolls, and while she is sleeping, one of them comes alive and crawls in her ear (seriously), apparently possessing her. She wakes up with an entirely new "Screw It" attitude and begins killing off those who taunt her due to her possession.First, there is a lot going on in this film. Too much for such a low-budget DTV film that nobody seems to know exists. There are side stories involving the head guard, which it somewhat mind-boggling in its stupidity. We also get a love-interest story involving Eva and another guard, and whiney female inmate who is also picked on by the group. The problem is that these do nothing to drive the already clichéd plot except slow the pace. The gore is virtually non-existent, so that certainly won't keep the interest of gore hounds. The acting verges from terrible to OK. I am actually surprised at Jessica Morris, who was TERRIBLE in "Bloody Murder." She is actually decent here and seemed to really get into the role. Another problem is the clichés and stereotypes that abound the plot. We have every stereotypical prison inmate you have seen present here. They are cruel, the prison warden is crooked, and the guard has his way with the inmates he choses. We have seen it all before and it makes for some pretty boring and worthless characters. The end of the film will have some laughing, simply because one special effect that has the worry doll emerge from Eva's forehead and start grunting and moaning. Again, seriously.I probably put too much effort into this review, as a "I thought it sucked" would have sufficed. It's an example of a film with a cool sounding premise that is executed in all the wrong ways. It's lazy, boring, goreless, scareless, and ridiculous. My Grade: F

A lifelong fan of Charles Band... or at least since the first Puppet Master film, I am always first to pick up his latest movie, regardless of how silly it might seem. I just got a copy of Dangerous Worry Dolls in the mail last night and, without the slightest hesitation, quickly popped it in the player.The verdict? Its sadly time for Charles Band to ditch the "tiny things do bad stuff" storyline he's been milking for the past 20 years. This one is certainly the final nail in the teeny, tiny coffin.First, the good: Band is DIRTY in this flick! His past few films have bordered on PG-13; but this one has some really racy stuff (full frontal nudity! sodomy!) and nice, albeit short, gore gags. The lead actress is pretty easy on the eyes, too.And that's about it.Now, the bad: The plot is a total mess, with no real direction and numerous story lines leading absolutely nowhere. A nervous girl with a permanent worried look on her face is so over-the-top, she becomes hilarious. While there is some gore, not ONE of the deaths takes place on-screen. Out of the four titular one-inch-tall "worry dolls", only one is used - and we have NO idea where its power comes from or why it does what it does.And the REALLY bad: Hardly anyone in the film notices the golfball-sized pimple growing on the lead character's head, leading to some unintentionally hilarious scenes. It also randomly changes in size and looks totally different in all close-ups. A "twist" involving a guard is one of the most embarrassing moments in any Full Moon movie - ever.And the REALLY, REALLY bad? In a terrible From Beyond ripoff, a tiny, 1/4-inch tall screaming skull pokes out of the main character's forehead, forcing her to do evil deeds. The sight and sound of it, alone, is roll-on-the-floor hilarity.View this one at your own risk, people. Its a small step in the right direction, especially after Doll Graveyard (which had NO redeeming qualities), but still far from Band's heyday.