Dreadfully Boring

Am I Missing Something?

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

Your blood may run cold, but you now find yourself pinioned to the story.

Guns blasting, buildings exploding, cars crashing, and that's just the first ten minutes. This action-packed film involving a rogue ex-CIA mercenary who can't seem to die no matter how many times he's shot (hence the title) is pretty decent. Tough and toothy Gary Busey, usually cast as a villain in these kinda flicks, has his usual crazy charm but is a bit more subdued: after all he's carrying the entire show. Which doesn't mean there isn't a lot of terrific supporting roles including William Smith, Luke Askew, Mills Watson, R.G. Armstrong, Henry Silva, Lincoln Kirkpatrick, Thalmus Rasulala, and several other "forgotten" character-actors. There's enough smaller action sequences to hold up the entire story: Busey has to free a group of "kidnapped" American military elites and return a high-tech "supertank" (a normal tank with a cheesy add-on pasted to the top) back to the States. But does America deserve this killing machine any more than the bad guys? This question is asked, of course, like in any film centering on the CIA... but without getting preachy.

Take "Rambo," mix in some "Miami Vice," slice the budget about 80%, and you've got something that a few ten-year-old boys could come up with if they have a big enough backyard & too much access to "Penthouse." Cop and ex-commando McBain (Busey, and with a name like McBain, you know he's as gritty as they come) is recruited to retrieve an American supertank that has been stolen & hidden in Mexico. Captured with the tank were hardbitten Sgt. Major O'Rourke (Jones) & McBain's former love Devon (Fluegel), the officer in command & now meat for the depraved terrorists/spies/drug peddlers, who have no sense of decency, blah, blah, blah. For an action movie with depraved sex, there's a dearth of action and not much sex. The running joke is that McBain gets shot all the time & survives, keeping the bullets as souvenirs. Apparently the writers didn't see "The Magnificent Seven" ("The man for us is the one who GAVE him that face"), nor thought to give McBain even a pretense of intelligence. Even for a budget actioner, the production values are poor, with distant shots during dialog and very little movement. The main prop, the tank, is silly enough for an Ed Wood production. Fluegel, who might have been a blonde Julia Roberts (she had a far bigger role in "Crime Story" than Julia!) has to go from simpering to frightened to butt-kicking & back again on an instant's notice. Jones, who's been in an amazing array of films, pretty much hits bottom right here. Both he & Busey were probably just out for some easy money & a couple of laughs. Look for talented, future character actor Danny Trejo ("Heat," "Once Upon a Time in Mexico") in a stereotyped, menacing bit part. Much too dull even for a guilty pleasure, "Bulletproof" is still noisy enough to play when you leave your house but want people to think there's someone home.

Its no surprise that Busey later developed a tumor in his sinus cavity, this film is also a poor decision, but one I enjoyed fully. The first 5 minutes is the most uninspiring 5 minutes in any film; boring, bad dialouge, and then, with a Spiderman stance, Busey yells the best-worst line in any film ever created..."your worst nightmare butthorn!" I coughed up some of my egg nog laughing so hard. That line resonates so well, it even tops Clooney's infamous "hi Freeze, I'm Batman" line. Other classic moments is Busey constantly getting upset for people reminding him that he got his ex-CIA partner killed...which he did by accidentally shooting him in the chest (all made possible by a super slow-motion flashback sequence that makes watching paint dry seem exciting). There's an ashtray to the nads, punches to the face, and a "that wasn't my fault and you know it!" Well, the footage shows him missing the bad guy and hitting his buddy, so... Other scream out-loud moments has to be his ex girl-friend dropping a grenade to the ground to enable his escape--a plan that defies all logic, physics, and absurdity. And lastly, when McBain jumps out of the Thunderblast during intense guerrilla warfare and starts to run and hurdles a small object, I almost wet myself. Some of Busey's best work by far, rent or buy it today "butthorn!" My vote is a perfect 10 (on the poo meter that is).

This film quite literally has every single action movie cliche and all of them work to its advantage. Straight from Lethal Weapon Gary Busey wisecracks, shoots and chuckles through this film with such reckless abandonment it can't help but amuse and entertain. There are tanks, helicopters, machine gun battles, grenades and ice cream vans and if they aren't good enough reasons to watch this film then how about the best one...Danny Trejo. And if you don't know who Danny Trejo is then you probably won't like this film.