Memorable, crazy movie

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

One of the film's great tricks is that, for a time, you think it will go down a rabbit hole of unrealistic glorification.

Can't see how this could have been better; seen it twice and it just keeps growing on me.As the negative reviews show, not for everyone and, at first, thought it wasn't for me either. I surfed into it during a particularly gory scene that seemed totally senseless and pointless but kept watching and soon realized I was watching a live-action Bugs Bunny/Roadrunner/Pepe le Pew cartoon. Judged as such, it's very nearly perfect.There are tons and tons of antecedents, from Chaplin (the shoe eating scene in Goldrush) to 1000 Corpses, spanning the gauntlet of of genres (echos of Mildred Pierce and Johnny Belinda; Noir crime; Slasher movies, etc.) and yet unique and fresh to itself.The positive reviews cite chapter and verse to which I have little to add, or a lot to add relative to every precedent I've detected so far, but why get all pedantic? If you get it, this is a gem of a movie that makes roller-coaster movies like Speed look lame and Slasher movies lamer. Just plain fun to watch.

This, in my opinion was a top class film, had parts i had to rewind because i found them so funny. i wont go through the storyline and the plot because that would take too long! I also wanted to mention that Boris, is now one of my favourite characters in any film, he is without a doubt the funniest character, especially when they run into the room, he farts, and mumbles, 'it was me'. people may say the accents are poor, and cheesy! and i agree, but this is what makes the movie even better, i loved the accents as i have a silly sense of humour! When you begin to watch this film, please do not go into it with a 100% serious attitude expecting a blockbuster, just sit back, and enjoy! 10/10!

This movie taught me another valuable lesson which I actually should have known already by now. Never ever trust the quotes and recommendations written on the front cover! The rental DVD of "Botched" loudly exclaims: If you loved "Severance" and "Shaun of the Dead", "Botched" is an absolute must-see! Well, I happened to like these two aforementioned movies quite a bit and yet I hugely regret having spent money and wasted precious time on "Botched". Unlike in the other titles, the comical aspects in this film totally don't work and the only truly positive thing I can say is that it has an apt title. Stephen Dorff, whose career never seems to stop sinking lower and lower, plays a small time crook who owes his mafia boss a free assignment after screwing up a previous jewelery theft. He and two others are sent to Russia in order to steal an antique cross out of the penthouse apartment of a gigantic building. However, the cross as well as the entire building belongs to the last living descendants of a bloodthirsty Russian Tsar and they don't exactly intend to give away their hereditary treasure. The murderous descendants keep the trio of burglars, as well as a handful of random hostages, trapped on the unused 13th floor and start killing them off one by one. Admittedly the basic conceptual idea – namely resurrecting the Russian Tsar – is quite imaginative and potentially interesting, but the film's elaboration is too damn hectic, pretentious and wannabe witty. I actually refuse to believe this movie won prices on festivals! The Russian stereotypes are miserable, the gags are painfully unfunny and the acting performances are below average. There are some neat bits of outrageous gore and splatter, but they honestly don't really suit the tone of the film, which is more of a heist/crime thriller.

Botched is well titled and possibly the epitaph for Dorff's career if he has been reduced to this. Bad Russian accents done by a mostly z-list British cast (nice to see the girl from the Commitments working again) aside, to say that this is not a good film is an understatement that dwarfs all other understatements you have ever heard about movies. Bad acting, buckets of fake blood, 2 dimensional characters and a plot that is just plain stupid. It is the kind of low budget schlock usually reserved for film school dropouts looking to make a quick buck. People write that it's a comedy but it's just not funny on any level. How this got made and how I sat through so much of it is beyond me.