Very disappointing...

Memorable, crazy movie

I saw this movie before reading any reviews, and I thought it was very funny. I was very surprised to see the overwhelmingly negative reviews this film received from critics.

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Let's not mince words here; Bone Sickness is a turd and there's no way around it. The acting is atrocious, the plot (really a convoluted mess of subplots) is really bad, and it seriously taxes one's ability to suspend disbelief. Half the time you're trying to figure out what's going on, the other half wondering why you even bother. That's all there is to it, straight up front, and aside from some marginally good gore gags, there is little to redeem it.That being said, this movie is one of those little gems in the genre that is so horrendously bad it's good. It may very well be a turd, but it's a turd with a quirky, unintentional charm. This is the type of movie you watch with a couple of your friends and a 6 pack or two and prepare to have a laughing good time. There are more "WTF" moments; creatively, visually, and plot wise; than you can even bother to count. From making theories as to just what the hell is happening, to trying to figure out the point of a particular character, to guessing what the writer/director was smoking when making this monstrosity of a bad movie; it's loads of roaring, unintentional fun.As I stated before, the gore is halfway decent as a bonus; with a few particular moment almost falling just shy of somewhat creative. This is not a good movie, not by a long-shot, but if you're looking for some sleazy garbage cinema to watch with your buddies and generally have a nice, good laugh, this is for you.

BONE SICKNESS (2004) This one is the fan made cheap zombie movie to end all fan made cheap zombie movies. It starts out with a grave robbery (a little too dark) and a graphic Axe to the face. So far, so good. After the creepy credits, we meet Alex (Producer Rich George) and his wife Kristen (Darya Zabinski). Alex is very sick, and his wife is feeding him something to help his bones. This is her attempt at "alternative medicine". We know the crunchy things are not granola. Kristen snaps at Alex for puking. She goes to meet her grave robber,Tommy (Writer, director "Triple Threat" Brian Paulin), one of Alex's best pals. She uses a knife on the bones of the dead to extract the marrow, feeding it to Alex to cure his bone sickness. Meanwhile, two cops are on "spook patrol" at the graveyard when something breaks out the windows of their patrol car and murders them both. Lots of screaming and gouts of phony blood later, we see the investigation. Two cops and a night watchman have been murdered at the graveyard and someone's responsible! A detective stops Tommy in the graveyard as he is going about his gruesome work, but Tommy successfully lies to the cop and gets more bones for Alex to suck on. Lots of worms and bugs add to the overall creep factor in this scene. Tommy s wife Andrea uses the meat from the fridge to make hamburgers. I imagine that this is a big mistake. Mrs. Clancy, Andreas' nosy neighbor, fills her in on her hubby's activities, the nosy thing. There's a nice scene of Kristen giving Alex a bath, for being sick he sure is good looking! Refreshing to see some male nudity in these things for a change. With the size of the breasts on the women in this movie, I can see that there will be plenty of those things on display later! Did I say later? The nudity and gore are plentiful only twenty minutes in! Kristen has a dream where she's making love to the dead! So disgusting! Yay!! Now a completely gratuitous scene showing Alex on the toilet... pounding out...worms!!! Lots of them!! After puking tons of wormy puke, Poor Alex is freaking out. Oh its okay now, he's eating the worms he puked. More nudity, .....this is shaping up nicely.Forty Minutes in, we get our first Zombie. This one is a grave crawler, and he's pretty funky too. Well, howdy! Now the graveyard is filled with grave crawlers, ala "Return of the Living Dead" and they be a- shuffling". More gratuitous t and a, and we followers of Zombie movies know that a long sustained Zombie siege is imminent. Bring it on ! This is the first zombie attack in a pool that I have ever seen. Yup, all that nonsense about eating the dead really starts to pay off here for the second half. I can see that this is gonna be one Eyetie level zombie after another. The cops are SO stupid! The grue gets thick and deep here, with gunshots to the head, an Axe, and a circular saw variously employed to horrific effect. All sorts of obscurely motivated foolishness later, the zombies lay siege to Tommy and Andrea. These are definitely Fulci- type Zombies, not your Romero shufflers. (Which is okay with me, I love them all.) Alex, however, is now a living Zombie, a first for me. God, I love this movie ! There's all kinds of gooey horrific things going on here. The cops are SO stupid! But they ARE heavily armed. Are they making love or being eaten? It's hard to tell, but I like it. Guts spilling out, fevered dreams, gore galore. How nasty can it get? Woo Hoo! Arterial spray really makes my day. Buckets of blood. How long can the blood spray out after one has been decapitated? Not this long, I'm sure. This puts "Land of the Dead" to shame. Oh, this must be Alex....Sweet Revenge...Now Tommy's a living Zombie...This is more an homage to the Italian Zombie movies, bad acting and all...but, hey, at least they ACT.The ending is as wild a ride as I've ever seen. It switches abruptly into a Romero movie, complete with obviously risky amateur stunts and some of the most effective make up work I've ever seen in an amateur production.I urge all of you living suckers to check this one out.

Finally, some amateurish shot-on-video filmmakers got the right idea! If you can't make a good movie, then pile on the gore! If this film had a bigger budget it would have been amazing. The zombie gore is extreme. It looks pretty fake at times, but the murder and dismemberment they depict with it is imaginative and funny in a trashy way. While the film itself is extremely amateur, I must say it's the thought that counts. It's a very ambitious take on the no-budget zombie movie genre. While it's not as good the more well known shot on video films like The Dead Next Door, Street Trash, or Slime City, it's still a lot better than Ghoul School, Night of the Living Dead 3-D, or Days of Darkness. The filmmaker really had the right ideas here. Blood spurts everywhere, people vomit worms, numerous people are torn in half, entrails or are eaten, heads broken open, etc. The extreme stuff doesn't really start up until the one hour mark, but after that it's relentless. There's a lot of nudity too. Pretty much every female character gets naked at some point. Some of the acting sucks. But just sit tight and your patience is rewarded. If the film had a bigger budget that allowed really professional looking special effects, this would have been the best gore film of the decade. I really hope the filmmakers are able to make more films that get better funding. I think if they got the proper equipment, a half decent budget, and some help from the right people, we might have the next Dead Alive on our hands.

Bone Sickness starts as Kristen (Darya Zabinski) gives her sick husband Alex (Rich George) a potion concocted by their friend Thomas (Brian Paulin) to try & keep him alive, with no insurance & nothing the doctor's can do Alex is on the verge of death from some disease which decays bones. Unfortunately Thomas has been using bones from bodies he has dug up from graveyards & as such they are infected with parasites (look I didn't write this crap, OK?) which turns Alex's insides into maggots & worms which he starts to puke up & sh*t out when he goes to the toilet. Then for no reason whatsoever all the bodies in the graveyard come back to life as flesh eating zombies & start to kill & eat everyone...Bone Sickness is pretty much a homemade film shot on a camcorder principally by Rich George & Brian Paulin, virtually every credit during the end goes to one or both of them from staring in it to editing it, filming it, building the sets, doing the special effects & just about everything else including the stunt driving! You know sometimes we take things for granted, little things like films which make sense & are well made so when a film as truly dire & amateurish as Bone Sickness comes along it makes you appreciate universally hated & panned films like Catwoman (2004) just that little bit more. First off lets talk about the story in Bone Sickness or rather the complete lack of it, things seemingly happen at random, virtually nothing is explained let alone makes any sense, the plot twists are terrible (when the guy gets an axe in his head at the start Alex was sick in bed so it couldn't have been him), there's no sense of time or location & as for the final ten minutes in the graveyard when those devil looking type creatures appear the film completely loses the viewer & becomes one of the biggest messes in film history. Bone Sickness is a disaster, it's a amateur homemade horror film that is really, really bad in every way although the fact that the final thirty or forty minutes is wall to wall gore prevents the dreaded 1 star out of 10, it's just a shame the gore effects are so poor.From a film-making point of view Bone Sickness is a mess & as bad as any film you will ever see, enthusiasm for the genre just isn't enough. I mean I could make a horror film on my camcorder using my friends & family, does that automatically mean it should get released on DVD & mean people actually want to watch it? No, I didn't think so. The lighting is horrible, the photography is strictly point & shoot with no close-ups or establishing shots which gives it a really horrible choppy feel, the editing is poor & he never knows when to cut away & the special effects are terrible with the worst looking fake blood I've ever seen, it's more like red water. To give some credit where it's due there are plenty of gore, from ripped off arms, intestine eating, autopsy scenes, stomachs being ripped open, branches stuck in peoples necks, throat biting, face melting, babies ripped from pregnant women, head smashing, decapitations, bodies cut in half, rotten zombies, lots of red water sorry I mean blood splashed about everywhere, people blown up with grenades, people shot, heads ripped in half both vertically & horizontally & all sorts of bodily mutilation but it all just looks so poor & a lot of the same effects are repeated more than once. There's a disgusting moment when Alex spews up a load of worms, real worms so the poor guy actually had to hold them in his mouth to shoot the scene. He also eats them back up again, two scenes which are hard to watch if your squeamish but when you think about it nothing more extreme than what the Jackass & Dirty Sanchez boys do. The film looks awful as well with poor photography shot on a camcorder & probably edited on a home PC movie making software package.The IMDb lists the budget for Bone Sickness as a mere $3,000 which if true is an incredibly small amount to make a 90 odd minute film on, no matter how bad it is. The makers certainly get my congratulations for sticking with it & making a film on that sort of money but it's still absolutely awful in every respect. There's a constant buzz on the soundtrack which is noticeably out of sync at times & the whole film is just so amateurish it becomes a real chore to sit through. The acting is awful & among the worst ever committed to film, seriously these people are obviously just friends & family of George & Paulin.Bone Sickness is one of the poorest, most badly made films I've ever seen & that's no exaggeration. The story is none existent & makes no sense & it's incredibly hard to sit through, one worm puking scene is the only gross thing here since all the other effects are so poor. The sort of film which literally leaves you speechless.