So much average

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Wow. Just...wow. My girlfriend and I were in the mood to watch a cheesy lesbian movie, and bingo, we found it in Bloomington. This movie is seriously bad. I can't wait to tell you all about it. OK, here we go:So the movie starts out with this Haley Joel Osment look-a-like named Jackie, a former child star, who is going off to college. She packs her bags (even shoves her dirty ass sneakers right into her suitcase next to her clothes - who does that?) and hits the road! When she arrives, of course she is met with starstruck peers who just can't believe they're going to the same school as Jackie. In no time at all, Jackie meets Catherine, a psychology professor who is notorious for sleeping with her students, but is somehow still employed by the university. Literally in the span of five minutes Jackie is helping Catherine carry a stack of books, and then ends up at her fancy house where they have sex, I think, I'm not sure, they don't show anything at all, ever. There is no nudity in this film. Is this some kind of sick joke? The Parental Guide is more arousing than the actual movie. And I am familiar with the U-Hauling lesbian stereotypes but this is just crazy. Jackie and Catherine's relationship escalates so quickly it had us rolling with laughter. And the DIALOGUE. Oh my god don't even get me started. At one point my girlfriend was literally mumbling, "No, no, no," during one of the "sex scenes" where Jackie is rattling off lines from the canceled Sci-fi show she starred in as a kid. And, of course, as with most terrible lesbian movies, both women end up sleeping with dudes, because women crave dick no matter how relentlessly gay they are. And as for the movie's soundtrack, it's just a mix of Ani DiFranco (of course) and this weird American Beauty-eque score. Barf. You know what? I'm just going to end this here. I've gotten all caught up in writing this review that I'm not even following the movie anymore, just sitting next to my girlfriend who is yelling at the TV in between bouts of raucous laughter.This movie is a hilarious, predictable, cringe-worthy, awful medley of sh*t. Enjoy!

This is not a fantasy, and some may want a different ending. It is hoped and speculated that the movie runs beyond the time frame and every single person should watch this movie because this film is all about love, and at the end a human, queer or homophobic, should want them back together, no matter how many more times they fall apart, and understanding that this falling apart in obvious in any relationship, and that only love is not enough for people to hold together. This film is all about the longings in the viewers heart after it ends. Allison is spectacular, and once eyes set on her will not want to see another face and would want more of her. People may not like reality in movies, but sometime a reminder is essential.

I must admit that I have probably never seen worse film before. The whole plot and scenes seem to be so disconnected, it is impossible to get the clue how one thing cause another. The relationship between main characters is out of nowhere. It seems that creators wanted to put as much as possible into the movie and we get sloppy story like overcooked pasta. Nothing fits, emotions are non-existent and the kid looks like female Haley Joel Osment. I don't understand why an adult, educated woman instead of "have a conversation" has decided to make the girl jealous. There are many things that don't fit here and many scenes are just few seconds long without going deeper into emotions and the whole relation that should be built on.

Though well intentioned and unobjectionable, Bloomington is undone by a fatal lack of believable conflict. For the most part, this film is as emotionally placid as an inland sea with flashes of hurt feelings and argument jammed in out of nowhere. I didn't sit through the movie just waiting for it to be over. My thoughts were more like "Okay, where is this thing going?" Followed after a long while by "Wait…that's where it was going?" There are also several stray threads scattered through the story, making it appear as though these filmmakers were never able to take all the ideas in their heads and fully transfer them to the screen. Such an amateurish quality to the storytelling prevents it from fully engaging the viewer, but the very appealing presence of Allison McAtee and an overall feeling of earnest goodwill also keeps it from ever being annoying.Jackie (Sarah Stouffer) is a former child star who's gone away to college. She almost immediately hooks up with the scariest professor on campus, Catherine Stark (Allison McAtee). Though she makes an imperious first impression, Stark turns out to be a solicitous lover and an almost motherly companion to Jackie and they blow through flirting to full blown relationship as quickly as The Flash dons the costume he keeps compressed in his ring. Then Jackie gets an offer to be the lead in a movie version of her old series, which results in Stark turning into a rather large bitch. Jackie doesn't return the favor, but does get all bitchy with her seemingly inoffensive mother. Then Jackie and Stark make up but realize they can't be together. Yeah, that's how it ends.I don't know if writer/director Fernanda Cordoso was unconsciously working out any mother issues with this script, but the way Jackie's relationships with Stark and with her mother flip from sweetness and light to nasty and dark neither fit nor are justified by what's going on in the film. She could merely have realized that her greeting card of a screenplay needed some bite. If that's the case, it comes off like it was all tossed in during a last minute rewrite.Bloomington also has an awful lot of makeout scenes without managing to have one legitimate sex scene. There are a couple of times where it's indicated that someone is doing something below the waist which the viewer can't see, but that's about it. It's odd because the lack of conflict in the story would fit if this were a classy attempt at erotica. The lack of any bare flesh or sensual writhing therefore only draws attention to the paucity of plot.Though Sarah Stouffer is technically playing the main character, Alison McAtee owns this motion picture. Her performance is intelligent, tender and very sexy. Unfortunately, that does make it all the more noticeable when Stark gets pounded down with the Almighty Plot Hammer in the last half of the movie. I can't imagine anyone comes away from Bloomington caring more about Jackie than they do about Stark. And the young woman/older woman lesbian dynamic here is distinctly different from what you'd get with a young woman/older man relationship, giving you something to focus on when the narrative flags.This is a generic coming of age romance. There's been umpteen heterosexual versions of this, so I guess there should be room for a homosexual rendition. Like the straight stuff, though, after you've seen one of these you never really need to watch another.