Let's be realistic.

Clever, believable, and super fun to watch. It totally has replay value.

A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

If you set out to make a god awful film filled with tediously long scenes of terrible acting with terrible audio and cinematography, then mission accomplished Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69! This is a truly miserable film viewing experience that made me hate myself. Why would I choose to watch this terrible film? What happened in my life that lead me down this dark road? The bottom line is that this is an embarrassing film to sit through with an absolutely insane running time of 135 minutes. I couldn't watch more than four disconnected scenes at any given stretch and they were wretched. This abysmal film was made on the cheap and it shows in every single frame.

Like a bloody Thanksgiving turkey stuffed to the crack with outrageous nastiness, Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69 entertains. While some might find its two hour running time too dense, this combination of Boys from Brazil meets Troma film, is filled with bloody mayhem, clinical savagery, exploding breasts and (yes, ladies and gents!) cocks in peril! Guard that genitalia, son! A group of prisoners of war- including Russian, United Kingdom and (somehow) very modern day Bronx stereotypes – decide to break out of the heinous Stalag 69, but not before a deranged doctor, a sadistic warden and an Asian military torture guru all have their way with them.Director/co-writer Keith J. Crocker employs every stereotype in the prison film book from woman on woman shower scenes to naked whippings to jokingly delivered homosexual undercurrents. Nicely, Crocker exploits the Nazi Terror sub genre (a popular horror offshoot that even has a box set to its name) without poking a thumb in the still fresh acid burn of reality – there is not a recognizably Jewish character in sight.Filled with exploitive but amazingly strong female roles (a scene where a very naked Natasha mows down a group of soldiers in the woods is an incredible sequence), Stalag 69 is filled with slightly buffoonish portrayals that actually enhance the atmosphere of the film – although Tatyana Kott (Natasha), Gordana Jenell (Frieda) and Stephanie Van Vlack as a sexy, twisted experimenter all give fairly accomplished and persuasive performances.Not for those with short attention spans or with a 'blonde' sense of humor, Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69 eventually delivers in its over-the-top craziness.

Unwatchable. In a special features interview with director Keith Crocker, it is revealed that the budget for his film was $10,000, and it shows. With poor production values, long painfully boring dialog, delivered by actor talent equal to the film's budget, the film's 135 minute run time is difficult if not impossible to sit through. The few minutes of "sexploitation" and gore that occur in the film, even the decent performance by Tatyana Kot, cannot save this film. The only entertainment value was the interviews on the special features. The director compares his work with Stalag 17, others talk of the films authenticity as a period film and even of the uniforms. The director and screenwriters really believe the are producing a serious piece of work about POW camps in Nazi Germany, unfortunately the comic irony revealed in the special features cannot be enjoyed without sitting through 135 minutes of very poor film making.

The Nazisploitation sub-genre was briefly hot in the 70's. Perhaps most famously represented by Don Edmonds' legendary sickie "Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS," other examples include such similarly twisted sleaze as "SS Girls," "The Gestapo's Last Orgy," and "Deported Women of the SS Special Section." Alas, this fabulously vile and offensive sub-genre has been dormant for thirty years. Well, Nazisploitation returns with a vengeance with this insanely raw, gruesome and vicious, yet always entertaining and even occasionally quite funny belated entry.1945: Sadistic Commandant Helmut Schultz (superbly essayed with hearty demented aplomb by Charles Esser) and his equally brutal assistant Wolfgang (a terrific performance by Steve Montague) grossly mistreat the prisoners in their war camp. Fed up with being severely manhandled by their ruthless captors, the motley assortment of multi-international prisoners set aside their differences and join forces to stage a revolt.Director/co-writer Keith Crocker loads this trashy tale with all the tasty nudity (not just the expected luscious bared distaff skin, but also a couple of guys even go full frontal!), sordid sex, graphic gore, hardcore nasty torture, and unflinching depravity any self-respecting fan of unapologetically rough'n'ready low-grade exploitation fare could possibly want and hope for. Among the nifty and exciting outrageous highlights are a beautiful buck-naked lady running through the woods and blowing away Nazi dirtbags with a machine gun, the greatest bathtub castration scene since "I Spit on Your Grave," some truly wince-inducing genital mutilation, and the rousing climactic jailbreak riot. Moreover, Crocker adds plenty of surprising humor into the already heady mix and acquits himself well in a sizable supporting part as an American soldier prisoner. Kudos are also in order for the uniformly sound acting from a bang-up cast: Edward Yankus as take-charge American Jack, Brenda Cooney as the tough Scottish lass Lucille, Marjie Kelly as the sassy black Marjie, Gordanna Jenell as Helmet's wicked sister Frieda, Tammy Dalton as ditsy Southern gal USO stripper Candice ("Hail Hitler, y'all"), Wayne Chang as vicious visiting Japanese General Yugosami, Steph Van Vlack as the cruel Dr. Zuber, Paul Richichi as a priest with a secret, and Natasa Warasch as the perverted Helga. While all these folks do stellar work, I still have to single out for special appraisal ravishing redhead stunner Tatyana Kot, who delivers an impressively fierce performance as fiery'n'ferocious Russian soldier Natasha. In addition, Jim Knusch's polished cinematography offers a few striking images, the neatly eclectic score hits the groovy spot, and production designer Keith Matturro works wonders with a modest budget. Why, this unbeatable winner comes complete with a provocative central message about how war brings out the worst in human beings and the only way to defeat your enemies is to be even more base and barbaric than they are. Great stuff.