In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

It's a mild crowd pleaser for people who are exhausted by blockbusters.

Clever and entertaining enough to recommend even to members of the 1%

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

Irwin Allen's "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" does the unthinkable in this follow-up to his blockbuster 1972 film. Instead of people trying to get off the sinking luxury liner, he has two crews trying to get on to it for different reasons. Michael Caine leads one group into it to claim salvage rights to what's been left behind. At the same time, Telly Savalas heads up a team of murderous plunderers in search of a cargo of plutonium. Along the way, they both happen upon survivors frantically trying to get off the ship. Will Caine and Savalas find their treasures and a way to get back off the ship before it plummets to the depths of the sea?I have to give props where they're due, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. The fact that Irwin Allen had the audacity to attempt a sequel to "The Poseidon Adventure" deserves a strange amount of reverence. Can you imagine the power of suggestion he must have controlled. He walked into the offices of studio executives six years after the original left theaters and said, "Hey, I have an idea for a sequel to that movie where the ship sinks. What if people tried to get on the ship instead of off of it?" "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" is proof he convinced them to do it!"Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" is nowhere near as bad as you'd think it would be. It has everything a great disaster movie should. An ensemble cast fighting for their lives as water levels rise. Escape routes becoming blocked as the people fight their way back to the surface before the ship's hull becomes completely submerged. People who you don't want to die do and others you wish would but don't. I wasn't disappointed in it by any means.A PG rating was given to "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure." It contains violence, language, and intense sequences of peril."Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" is one of those movies that never should've happened. All I can say is thanks to all the studio executives with dollar signs in their eyes who greedily greenlit this wonderful piece of cinema history. For those of us who love unnecessary sequels and crave a little 1970's cheese, it's a rare gem that's been found and preserved for us to enjoy over and over again.

This film is more of a remake than a sequel, having virtually the same plot and sets but different characters. This time the filmmakers have an advantage though, because they don't have to spend their budget on creating the moment that Poseidon strikes disaster (already established in the previous film); and there are opportune moments when money is saved by reusing shots from the first film: from time to time showing the Poseidon upside down in the ocean and exploding continuously (how many explosions can the ship sustain?).This is a laughable and lackluster film. All the prestige and excitement from its precursor have disappeared. Unlike the first film, there is hardly a moment of genuine tension or invention. I never feel that the characters are in any peril. In fact, there are surprisingly few deaths and lots of wasted opportunities for thrills and tension. The action set pieces are very drab and routine. Also, the sets and special effects are cheap and unconvincing.Like the first film, there's a large all-star cast, but they hardly do or say anything exciting, intelligent, meaningful, original, and that isn't laughable. Pretty much all of their character traits, back stories, and motivations are paper-thin and stereotypes. Some characters are annoying, useless, and unnecessary, and should have been cut from the film or rewritten. The only interesting character derives from the performance of karl Malden, and even his character is underdeveloped and underutilized, let alone adequate to save the picture.Just like the characters, the plot is paper-thin. It's also very predictable. insipid, and hard to believe. For example, I find it hard to believe that there are still so many survivors left on the ship. Also, there are so many gaps in logic, unanswered questions, and unresolved plot points. As if realizing that there are only so much they can do with a capsized ship the second time, the filmmakers have added an unnecessary and derivative subplot involving Telly Savalas and his crew in a futile attempt to spice up the action.I sat in my chair being mostly bored and unamused. In fact, I became quite restless. This is not how I reacted to the first Poseidon film.

Being stuck in bed with the flu and feeling too rough to get up to find the remote, I actually watched this abomination from start to finish (how many people can say that? And for any who can - what's your excuse?). My God, has there ever, EVER been such a total mess released by a major studio? There is not one second of genuine tension in a supposed "thriller"; the script is inept and ludicrous; the sets look like they were leftovers from a low-budget TV movie; and the cast ... WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!!! Sally Field gives what is without doubt the worst and most embarrassing performance of any Academy Award winner in history. Her irritating nasal whine and stupidly perky behaviour in what is meant to be a life-threatening situation are truly asinine. It's a wonder she didn't use all her future earnings to buy up and destroy every print of this turkey. Michael Caine, who now pontificates endlessly on the art of screen acting - even running master classes for would-be thespians - should be taken out and shot (preferably by one of Telly Savalas' henchmen). Angela Cartwright, an actress I usually like (and whose name isn't even in the opening credits, poor soul), is ten years too old for her role, and her horrible matronly yellow prom dress must haunt her nightmares to this day. Slumming it are Karl Malden and Shirley Knight - hopefully they collected a big pay packet to assuage their involvement. The whole film is a series of bad scenes, but one that especially sticks in my mind is the explosion which results in the "ceiling" (if an upside-down ship's deck can be termed as such) collapsing and a load of empty cardboard boxes falling through! Ooh, how scary! Really, really, terrible.

4 Oscar winners, Karl Malden, Sally Field, Shirley Jones, Michael Caine. Great character actors Telly Savalas and Peter Boyle. 1 hour 54 minutes of sheer tedium, melodrama and horrible acting, a mess of a script, and a sinking feeling of GOOD LORD, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?Irwin Allen was just trying to cash in on the popularity of the original classic disaster film with a grade D minus script, the actors were obviously just in it for the paycheck as well,... the horror, the horror!How insane are the characters that Caine, Savalas, Malden and Field are playing? Go into a potentially deadly sinking ship that's 1. on fire 2. Hot from steam 3. Slippery from water and oil, 4. boilers that are exploding every 5 minutes, etc., all for the love of money? Greed? 5. They have very little equipment, not even a pair of gloves or work boots in sight, much less a grappling hook, rope, etc.Stupidity!What were they thinking?Peter Boyle overacts so much that I just wanted to smack him! Stop it! And what's the deal with the bad toupee? Also, there is no way you can believe his character was a WW2 veteran.Caine, Field and Malden find all that gold and money and they are happy--whoopee! We're rich! (We may not live to spend it, but hey...)And yee haw, it's the great character actor Slim Pickens!Survivors galore! Jack Warden and Shirley Knight, too!The final dramatic sub plot about that scary plutonium never really went anywhere, it's like they forgot, sort of? Lots of holes in the script.This film has an illness that the strongest pill couldn't cure. I'm surprised Alan J. Smithee's name wasn't on the script, I'd be embarrassed to have penned this one!Oh the insanity, Oh The humanity! Oy Vey!The Horror, The Horror!It's like a bad two hour TV movie.At least the sets were made from recycled material from the first movie.The script needed to be on the compost heap...