A-maz-ing

This movie feels like it was made purely to piss off people who want good shows

Worth seeing just to witness how winsome it is.

.Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

Much like a 10 car pile up on the highway - I felt compelled to watch this movie to the very end... I feel terrible for all the people who actually watched the whole movie. When I arrived home and it was on and then I saw Edward Furlong so I thought I'd give it a chance. I have absolutely no problem with low budget productions - I get that sometimes the funding for someone's dream or vision just isn't available. The acting, storyline and the 'CGI' was so bad that I actually took the time to register on IMDb to leave a review. What pleases me about watching this movie is that I'm now registered on IMDb and can leave reviews for movies truly worth my time. The end.

When a series of earthquakes releases a violent breed of spider into New Orleans, a tourist group and several others band together to fight off the deadly creatures before they wreak havoc on the city.This was a slightly silly and goofy Sci-Fi Channel creature feature that actually has some good points to make it worthwhile. One of the biggest aspects here comes from the frantic, continuous plot on display, with the spiders out and about quite early it makes for a lot of action to come from their encounters. Even though there's no deaths present, the attack on the tour bus is a lot of fun with their first appearance driving this one along a nice scene and makes the most of it with several rather big action scenes followed off this one including a fantastic scene in a convenience store and a rather suspenseful one later on in a stranded bus along a lonely highway that's quickly overrun by the creatures that's a lot of fun watching it slowly get covered with webbing. Other stand-outs include the numerous encounters and chases in the swamps around the city as there's plenty of gunfights with the creatures, a rather impressive autopsy sequence where we finally get a handle on the creatures and a chance to see that they have some nifty powers that add to the fun here, as well as getting some suspenseful moments throughout here. While the finale is far out-of-place in the film it has plenty of cheesy action here with the military encounters attempting to stop it and the final resolution to stopping it is pure cheesy fun. Aside from the action, there's also a lot to like with the spiders here being far more involved and given much more here than expected going into their backstory and society which not only gives them a logical reason for being here as well as having a nice bit of knowledge about the creatures. These here are enough to hold this off from the few small problems here, which start with the actions of the finale. It doesn't really have a lot of purpose being there other than to fill the cheese quotient even more, but that doesn't make it seem coherent in the narrative of the story. It comes from out of nowhere here and really just seems awkward at times in terms of what happens elsewhere in the rest of the movie and it feels a little underwhelming. As well, there's also the fact that this one features a really irritating ploy here with the family members continually getting to bag on the guy here for what is obviously out of his control for no reason here and this one feels too repetitious here in the later half of the by keeping up this lame storyline here. The ability of this one jumping to conclusions in blaming him for what's going on is such a stretch that it becomes laughable to assume that kind of action was the result of what he was being accused of and it goes deep enough into here that it does become a problem. Overall, this was a decent enough entry with some minor problems.Rated R: Graphic Violence and Language.

An uncommon earthquake strikes New Orleans and leaves some huge cracks in the earth. City officials must be on vacation, because these holes are unattended. Or, it's possible city workers have been attacked by a side effect of the earthquake, while arriving with their orange cones and yellow "caution" tape. These would be an increasing army of creepy, cartoon-like spiders. These creatures start out smaller than an egg, but they get bigger as the movie progresses. Fire seems to stop them dead in their tracks, but they also emit fire of their own. Very soon, the city of New Orleans is crawling with spiders. They must be stopped, before they suck the life out of everyone in the cast...As far as cheap Syfy TV movies go, this one isn't too bad. Knowing how this sort of assignment works, director Griff Furst dispenses with mystery and suspense and goes for silliness and excitement. He earns opening points with an interesting usage of eggs and a truck's mirror. Young women in tight denim shorts are a recurring image. While not scientifically sound ("queen" spider?), the story uses a standard structure. Leading actor Bug Hall (as Paul) is attractive and athletic. He jumps around like a super-hero and "Bug" is a great name for a Syfy leading man. He also acts very convincing in the opening, as a still slightly buzzed young man leaving a "one night stand" sex pick-up...While not billed first, Mr. Hall is definitely the star of "Arachnoquake". Two billed above Hall in the credits are Tracey Gold as an asthmatic zoology schoolteacher and Edward Furlong as a school bus driver. This must be because Ms. Gold and Mr. Furlong were considered bigger stars. Others in the cast have more fun. Arguably, Hall's main co-star is Olivia Hardt (as Petra). In the tight denim shorts contest, she comes in second. This story should have been improved by combining the two buses into one group. Everyone could have fit quite comfortably in Hall's tour bus. Also, it's strange that nobody in the crew knew much about spiders. Granted, they don't breathe fire, either.***** Arachnoquake (2012-06-23) G.E. Furst ~ Bug Hall, Olivia Hardt, Tracey Gold, Edward Furlong

Arachnoquake (2012) * 1/2 (out of 4) The latest film to debut on the SyFy channel has New Orleans being hit by an earthquake, which causes the ground to crack open and soon large, pink spiders are attacking people. Those expecting a fun monster mash are going to be disappointed because this film is pretty bad from the word go and it never picks up any speed. You know, I understand that horror films need dumb characters to do dumb things but there's a certain line you shouldn't cross in terms of dumbness and this film crosses that line and makes it's own new line. I really couldn't believe how stupid all of these characters were. So, you see a giant pink spider coming at you so what do you do? Well, of course, you pick it up. There are six or seven small spiders about the size of a baseball card coming after you so what do you do? Step on them? You'd think so but the characters here just jump around like little children. The entire film pretty much doesn't have an ounce of brains going for it and this doesn't cause any "fun" but instead it makes you grow more and more aggravated because the characters just become annoying. Tracey Gold gives a decent performance here and it's a shame her character wasn't a lead. Edward Furlong from T2 fame is on hand here playing the father (!?!?) of two teenagers. He really doesn't give a "good" performance but it was fun seeing him again. ARACHNOQUAKE is pure dumbness from start to finish but there are a few good moments with most of them being the bubble, explosion and gore that happens when a spider starts to come out of a human body. It's a shame that the director and writer didn't exploit this a little bit more and given fans more bang for their buck. The CGI effects are obviously very cheap but I thought the design of the spiders were nice. Still, this is certainly a film that can be skipped as there are much better killer spider movies out there.