Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

It's a movie as timely as it is provocative and amazingly, for much of its running time, it is weirdly funny.

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Agent for H.A.R.M. is about the lamest excuse for a spy movie that I've ever seen. Everything from the plot to the film's supposed hero to the locations is second rate. The lame plot concerns Professor Jan Stefanik and his search for the antidote to a biological weapon he created while working in some unnamed Eastern Bloc Communist country. A U.S. agency known as H.A.R.M. sends one of its top men, Adam Chance (Peter Mark Richman), out to protect the Professor. Complicating matters is the Professor's bikini-wearing niece, Ava Vestok (Barbara Bouchet), who may or may not be in league with the bad guys. Agent Chance bungles things and the bad guys are able to snatch the Professor. Can Chance rescue the Professor and save his secrets? Does anyone really care?I realize that attempting any sort of comparison between Agent for H.A.R.M. / Adam Chance and James Bond is an exercise in futility and a waste of time, but here goes anyway:James Bond – Sean Connery looking debonair in his tuxedos and tailored clothing ----- Adam Chance – Peter Mark Richman doing his best Mr. Rogers impersonation in his ever present cardiganJames Bond – Constantly faces the prospect of defusing bombs ----- Adam Chance – Watch in awe as Chance dismantles a television James Bond – Movies are filled with really cool gadgets ----- Adam Chance - The spore gun – a weapon that shoots a wad of green goo. Admittedly, it leads to a horrible death, but come on, it looks like something Nickelodeon might have come up with in the 90s.James Bond – Drives awesome cars like his Aston Martin ----- Adam Chance – Drives the family station-wagonJames Bond – Constantly wooing the ladies and charming them over to his side ----- Adam Chance – Comes across as a perv in a raincoat on the beachJames Bond – Super villains with massive, secret, underground lairs ----- Adam Chance – The bad guys use an airplane hanger in MexicoJames Bond – Exotic locations like the casinos of Monte Carlo or the ski slopes of the Swiss Alps ----- Adam Chance – Spends most of his time at a rented beach house in Southern CaliforniaJames Bond – Beautiful women like Ursula Andress or Honor Blackman ----- Adam Chance – Barbara Bouchet (Okay, this one's a draw. Bouchet is easily the best thing that Agent for H.A.R.M. has going for it.) See what I mean – there's really no comparison. With all that being said, however, I'll be generous and give Agent for H.A.R.M. a 4/10. Despite its many shortcomings, there is some entertainment value to be had. As unexplainable as it may seem, I do enjoy some of the movie. But that probably says more about me than the quality of Agent for H.A.R.M.

Let's say you're a refugee scientist from some foreigny country, hiding in Southern California working on antidote to some killer spore virus that's going to be sprayed on America's crops, to be baked into apple pies. Would you let a smug, fifty-ish, cardigan-wearing, skill-less "secret agent" into your home, to sleep next to you and your sexy, sexy, sexy neice? I wouldn't.Anyway, Peter Mark Richman, who you may remember from "Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhatten", IS Adam Chance, Agent for H.A.R.M. He answers to one- except Wendell Corey, as the head of H.A.R.M. Here, Wendell is as drunk as he was in "Women of the Prehistoric Planet" but not as drunk as he was in "Astro-Zombies". Enjoy!

Here we have the epic adventures of a super-swinging spy from the '60s, complete with loads of gorgeous women, fantastic gadgets, and awe-inspiring adventure set pieces...Actually, no we don't.What we have instead is a painfully low-budget, underwritten, generally icky movie filled with token attempts at the girls, gadgets, and adventures of our pal double-oh-seven, but all falling faaaar short of that goal. Think of it as the movie you and your friends might make one Saturday afternoon if you tried to make a Bond movie with community theater actors and a camcorder. Only without the comedy.Buh-duh DAH-duuuuuh!

What can you say about Agent For H.A.R.M.? Well, for starters it has a catchy theme song that pummels you in the opening credits. You have a spy that kind of hangs around the house for the duration of his mission, hitting on a girl who's about a third his age and protecting a scientist from several bad guys. One of them is The Artist Formerly Known As Prince. Anyway, Adam Chance puts on a cardigan, gets his tiny gun and proceeds to take care of these cretins. Along the way we are treated to bad lines, spores and Truman Capote moonlighting as a madman. At the end, Prince is dead and ninety minutes have been wasted watching Adam Chance move about the house in his sensible cardigan.