Truly Dreadful Film

Don't listen to the Hype. It's awful

There is just so much movie here. For some it may be too much. But in the same secretly sarcastic way most telemarketers say the phrase, the title of this one is particularly apt.

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

SPOILER - like you care - It takes place on another planet. The various monster creatures are therefore aliens, not dinosaurs ( and they're never actually called dinosaurs in the movie, ignoring the silly/stupid prologue tacked on by Troma). The human characters are the pitiful descendants of colonists from Earth, as revealed in the scene with the scarred guy showing Linda Corwin around the TERRA-1 compound. I know, like any of this makes it a better movie.Well for me it did. Considering this was shot on a Bolex, in New Hampshire, with no sync sound, the bits and pieces of back story certainly serve to make it a more interesting movie given its technical limitations. It sort of plays out like a short story from the 70s era of science fiction. And it was fun listening to Brett Piper on the director's commentary describe the old-school FX tricks he used, such as matte paintings and double exposures. It's also heartening to see someone still using stop-motion puppets in a movie. So consider me a fan of this weird little film.

If you want to experience a fantasy world of mythical beasts and far-off lands there are several choices. Firstly you can dream it. Secondly you can read it. or thirdly you can see a movie about it, where all the imagination work is done for you with visual effects and camera work. So why on earth are there movies made which still require us to use imagination to make the images seem real, or even watchable??I have no problem with the "B" or even "C" movie genre. Some old and very respectable movies are made using plasticine model monsters, and superimposed close-ups of real insects... not a crime, nor a problem. But in this film, even those tried and tested, basic techniques are done badly. Although, hang on, was that a cameo by the "Asteroid-millenium falcon eating-monster" from "The Empire Strikes Back"?? No, surely not!I sometimes wonder how and why films like this ever get made. I mean, someone has to have an idea at some point, and the "story" grows from there, right? I couldn't even piece a story together out of this, the final product. So how on earth did anyone first answer the question "So, what's this film going to be about?" Initially titled "The Dark Castle" I believe... then had a name change to entice an entirely different audience. The added female voice-over at the start belies this attempt at trickery... in fact, I'm not sure that one couldn't take this film and it's packaging to the advertising standards commission, and hold the company liable for every copy sold under these false pretences.I rated this film "2", and justify the rating thus... one point for creative use of the poem "Jabberwocky". And one point for all the laughs I got from everything in this film! And I wasn't laughing at the funny bits I assure you! So rather than try to explain what this film is... how about a little about what it isn't. It's not a parody or a spoof, this limp lettuce of a production is somebody's actual attempt to make a movie. It's not a horror... believe me, "comedy of effort" would be a better genre! And it most certainly isn't any kind of soft-core porn either... don't let that name-change fool you! All in all, shockingly bad and pointless stuff. Not for horror, fantasy, sci-fi, B-movie, c-movie, or even any-movie fans at all.Ever.

A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell. A really interesting title that seems to promise a fun movie. In reality, the title gives you no hints about the actual movie. The word Nymphoid was used just to give it strong sexual overtones, which were completely, absent in the movie. The word Nymphoid, which actually isn't even a real word, has absolutely nothing to do with the movie. Now, about those dinosaurs. There are no dinosaurs, plenty of mutant monsters but no dinosaurs. So, a more realistic title may be, A Barbarian in Mutant Hell. It's a pretty bad movie with plenty of poor acting. The plot is poor but interesting enough to keep you watching and so simple it is very easy to follow. The one thing I did enjoy about the movie were the special effects, and mutant monsters. Even though most they were crude, they were plentiful and interesting. It's a bad film but certainly not the worst I've seen. Do not go out of your way to see it. If you don't see it, you're not missing anything.

I only bought this movie because it only cost like three dollars from a store that was getting rid of all it's VHS movies. It cost three dollars and I wanted my money back. If it was free I would have wanted my money back. That movie took a couple of hours or so out of my life that I want back. I took it to a place that sells used videos, and the guy behind the counter had heard of it as the worst movie ever made. From now on I don't think that I can ever give another movie a vote of 1 because I think it will give this colossal piece of crap too much credit.