hyped garbage

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

There are numerous things wrong with this movie, of which I'll just point out a few.The soundtrack was intrusive and borderline-offensive. You can tune out a John Williams score if you don't like it, but nu-metal or mexi-rap-rock so loud it drowns out the (dubious) dialogue doesn't have that option. If you don't like it--and most people don't--it kills the movie.The plot... what can I say? There were moments where it seemed a plot might emerge, but they inevitably turned out just muddying the waters further. My theory is that Thadd Turner woke up from a drunken stupor and simply wrote down what he'd dreamed while under the influence of alcohol poisoning. You can practically smell the stale beer and vomit in some scenes. The gosh-golly-we're-in-the-Old-West-but-won't-question-it situation was absolutely laughable. And correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people mine gold in order to spend it, not so they can hide it forever? Are these Jesuit priests actually Smaug the Dragon? Where did they acquire elite kung-fu skills? The motives throughout are completely baffling. I'm still unclear on whether the sheriff was one of the seven mummies, whether he wanted the gold for himself or to protect it, or why he was after the amulet at all. Speaking of which, where did the other six amulets go? And the other three or four mummies? What are the chances that a gassed-up, operational Harley Davidson would be found under a mass of cobwebs in an Old West shanty? How did the dehydrated self-mutilator find the town, and why did he cart along a corpse? Whose corpse was it? Did the "heroes" ever return to burn that godforsaken town to the ground and claim the gold? Does anyone even care? The production values weren't bad, aside from sound and lighting. It seemed the camera operators and editors had extensive practice in the adult film industry. Only a few moments really dragged on, mostly Sheriff Dusty's monologues to his horse and Danny Trejo's self-amused chortles. It was a -horrible- movie, but it wasn't -unwatchable-. Those who claim so clearly haven't seen just how bad movies can be. At the very least, there was no shortage of eye candy. Teenage boys would probably prefer this to a blank screen... maybe.Goonfactor: extremely high, but much of the gooniness was derived from equally goony but less atrocious pieces.

While being transported through the Arizona desert in a van, six convicted prisoners escapes after a car accident. Their leader kills the security guard and they kidnap a female guard trying to reach the Mexican border. In their runaway, they find a gold medallion and later they reach the house of an old Apache, and they ask the direction to reach Mexico. The Apache tells them that in the opposite direction there is a hidden Spanish treasure. They decide to seek the gold and they stumble in an old ghost town, where the friendly population is formed by vampires and zombies and the local sheriff Drake is evil."Seven Mummies" has a flawed and messed screenplay, with many unexplained situations, such as what happens when the seven medallions are gathered together? What has happened with the locals when the survivors leave the bar? Who are the two guys that are carrying the coffin in the end? Why the sheriff turned to dust in the sunlight, and then he is apparently "restored" chasing the two guys? Many dialogs are terrible, and I laughed when Travis promises Lacy that they will have a future together. The sequence in the bar recalls the turning point in "From Dusk Till Dawn". But I have watched many movies worse than "7 Mummies" and IMDb Rating of 1.8 is unfair. I do not dare to recommend this movie, but also I found it funny and entertaining. My vote is five.Title (Brazil): "7 Múmias" ("7 Mummies")

The opening scene is roughly 5 minutes of two men dragging a coffin followed by ten minutes of opening credits (THANK YOU DIRECTORS GUILD). The plot fleshes out fast and simply with not a thought to be wasted figuring it out, sadly it's a plot more akin to a theme park Halloween show than an actual film. The dialog is blessed with more expletives than Eddy Murphy Raw, while maintaining a fresh 'I've never heard actual conversations' kind of pace. Now don't go thinking this film is devoid of personality, why the opening credits star a very talented Tarantula who is for all practical purposes acting very natural. I think probably the most amazing thing about this 'film' is that somebody actually funded it and it found it's way to DVD. HOW? WHY? There are tons of student films made every year that have this film beat in every way possible. Here's a short list of what can be found here, breasts, vampires, mummies, cowboys and kung fu mummies (which are wicked nimble), all this to a hodge podge of music ranging from uninspired rock to ineffectual rap. Brilliant use of money and B-list actors.

I don't even know where to begin. Just watching this movie all the way to the end was painful. The plot jumped around non-stop, and it was practically impossible to follow, even though it was incredibly simplistic. Other reviews claimed that the casting and makeup were 'great', but I didn't think that either was especially good. I can't comment on the 'stunts' because there weren't any that were bigger than someone rolling off a 1-storey roof onto the ground.The lighting throughout the whole movie was horrible, so it was difficult to even see what was going on half the time. The music was poorly chosen and was played so loud that it drowned out the dialog. Although, drowning out the dialog may have been a good thing since the dialog itself was dull and repetitive. The so-called climax of the movie was in fact the most anti-climactic part of the movie.I strongly recommend that anyone considering seeing this movie should NOT see it instead. It's too bad the vote system won't accept votes lower than 1.